No relationship is exempt from good and bad times. As a relationship solidifies and grows you are bound to have arguments and some difficult times. They say “all is fair in love and war”, but that’s not necessarily true. Relationship games can be detrimental. So, next time you and your mate are having a disagreement, here are eleven games to avoid. Your relationship will thank you.
BY OWEN CARMICHAEL
 1. Blackmail
"If you really loved me you'd…" People who start their sentences like this are playing a dangerous game. Be wary. They put their partner under immense pressure and risk destroying intimacy and trust. This is because any form of compulsion awakens a longing for freedom.
2. Lack of tact
Togetherness is important for any relationship, but too much can be unhealthy. If your partner insists on leaving the toilet door open or cutting his toenails in bed, give him what he deserves, notice to quit. A man worth keeping respects your opinions, needs and privacy.
3. Wanting to change him
'I'll change him little by little, so he won't notice.' This is an illusion that many women cherish. "You married him. Look for what you loved in him, not the things you can’t change. Only he can change himself. There are a thousand and one ways in which you can improve yourself. Get to it."
4. Reproaches
"Do you have to do that?" If you constantly nag your partner and heap reproaches on him, don't be surprised if he turns on you and does the same thing back. It's not clever to save your gripes the way some people save bits of string. No-one’s perfect. Forgive one or two petty annoyances and perhaps he’ll do you the same favor. If something is upsetting you, take the first opportunity when you have some quiet time together and tell him calmly. Problems, like weeds, are more easily controlled if you can nip them in the bud.
 5. Postscripts
Some humiliations are hard to let go. In spite of that, once the hurtful business is discussed and forgiven, forget it. In the middle of the night you suddenly think of the perfect squelch. You're tempted to deliver this withering comment at your partner the next day, to make him grovel. Don't. Drop it.
6. Insults
"You're such a selfish bastard." There's a difference between taking a position and taking a swing. Comments that hit below the belt are taboo. If you insult someone the first thing they do is stop listening. If they insult you, take a few deep breaths before replying. Then say, “I don’t want to talk about it now. Can I have a time later that would suit you?”
7. Egotism
Remember, in a loving relationship his point of view is a valid as yours.
8. Unfaithfulness
What is ruined, above all, is the unique quality of the relationship. For that reason, very few people, either men or women can completely forgive their partner and fewer still forget. A latent estrangement remains in the background and because of that many relationships founder years later.
9. Power plays
Couples often become entangled in power games over issues such as money or children. That's still acceptable if each side wins occasionally. If you win too often, you run the risk of losing in the end.
10. Clinging
Naturally you like to spend a lot of time with your partner. Whether this works or not largely depends on the development of each person within the relationship. It becomes a problem if one of you clings too much. Make an effort to give him some space. Otherwise, hanging on too tightly can seem like a stranglehold.
11. Lack of respect
This means not listening, ridiculing your partner or turning your eyes away when your significant other wants to talk about things that are important to him/her. It's OK to watch a video while you're doing your fitball exercises, it's not OK to watch a video while you're listening to your partner. Such behavior undercuts your partner's dignity, and no love can function without respect.
|
Relationships 
